Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
