Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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