i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
