did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
