Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
