It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
