it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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