You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
