Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Randomize
