census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
