i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's blow job season.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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