And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
