Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
