So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
