I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
