My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
