So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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