Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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