I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
as a side note pls kill me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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