if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
