we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
