I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
