It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
