New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
