So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
