did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
