If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
