Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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