he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
