I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
