Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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