My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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