what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
