Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
