so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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