My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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