There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
