She announced her abortion via fbk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
