yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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