I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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