Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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