I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
