I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
