Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
