Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
