Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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