I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
