"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
