I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
