I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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