Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
